Wednesday is the start of Lent. Last year I gave up caffeine for a month. I was sneaky as I love the taste of coffee and as I could drink decaf it wasn't like I was giving up much. I'm not very caffeine dependent to function - I'm pretty high energy and frankly should stick to decaf anyway.
This year I'm giving up alcohol.
My relationship with alcohol is a funny one. And not funny ha-ha. There are alcoholics dotted amongst my family. The fact they are alcoholics is never discussed but it's there. As are some very heavily stocked liquor cabinets. Of course, that's their story to tell and not my place to tell it. Instead here is my story. It's something I've told very few people. But I think it's something worth sharing.
At Uni, I went over the line with drinking. I was in a different city and all my upper level classmates used to party a lot. Sundays were the main party night as they didn't have classes Mondays and the sessions wouldn't end until 4 or 5 in the morning. As I was in the lower class, I did have school on Mondays and my classmates were amazed I made it through the days after the nights before.
I also hated school and it started to make me deeply unhappy so I went to my doctor. As both my mum and dad have had issues with depression, he put me on medication. You are not supposed to drink when you're on anti-depressants full stop. But I asked my doctor what to do if I happened to have a drink or two. He said if I did, then take an extra half a pill. I took that as permission to continue to drink and party the same as before but with the added "pleasure" of anti-depressants. I was in a daze. What they don't tell you about those pills is not only do they deaden the sadness, they deaden everything else. You feel like you're floating but not in a good happy way. More like a zombie version of you who looks very much alive.
It all came to a head when I was 22 and found myself in a rock star's hotel room after a night out on the tiles (clichéd I know). Frankly, the night before was fuzzy. I could only remember the night as if it were in randomly taken Polaroids. Probably still a bit drunk and very frightened, I went directly to my doctors. I must have scared the hell out of the receptionist as I'm sure my hair was standing up on end, my face was full of yesterday's makeup and I was sobbing. She sent me straight in. My doctor took one look at me and said if I continued on the way I was, I would be dead in 5 years. It scared the crap out of me. I binned the pills and the alcohol and didn't drink a drop for 3 years.
I moved to England when I wasn't drinking and got a lot of flack about it. My first boyfriend when I was living here even said it made other people uncomfortable when I didn't drink. After we broke up, drinking slowly crept back in. I drank very very occasional and continued that way for a number of years. I think it really didn't get to be more frequent than occasional until I started working at PayPal. I had worked from home for 4 years before then so I had a pretty healthy lifestyle for the most part. But all of a sudden there were pub drinks and lunch drinks. Fried foods, cider, beer, wine. On Fridays they opened the fridges downstairs at 5:30 and we would drink til they were empty. We'd then head to the pub until it was so late you'd have to take a cab home.
Everyone did it and the world of alcohol crept back in to my life. One after work turned to two, to three, to...let's just say I never knew what a Jagger Bomb was before I started there. It didn't help that I dated someone from work who drank that way on the weekends as well so every time we were together excessive amounts of drink were consumed. The amount that I drank wasn't anyone's fault but my own, but I got carried on the wave of drinking until it was a normal everyday thing. And I mean every day. In England it's a very easy thing to do. And it's a very hard thing to give up when every function revolves around alcohol.
Unfortunately, drinking doesn't just make you hung-over the next day. It also adds on the pounds. And the last two years of this lifestyle have added at least 2.5 to 3 stone on to my frame. It's strange how that creeps up on you too. All of a sudden it's there. How did that happen? But it does. Especially if you work 10 -12 hours a day and don't leave time to exercise.
So. It's Lent. Lent you're meant to give something up. It's supposed to be a sacrifice. You're to give up those things that you love. But this Lent I'm going to give myself a gift. No alcohol for 40 days. Easter was the miracle was it not? Jesus rose from the dead. Maybe I can do the same.
You know, I have never given anything up for Lent, despite spending many years as a Reverend. My excuse was that it was not part of my Baptist tradition, giving up was for the Anglicans. I was not quite so selective when it came to pancakes on Shrove Tuesday though. Anyway I digress.
ReplyDeleteI have observed people of religion and no religion choosing to give up "stuff" for Lent but with no rhyme or reason as to why. If giving something up is so good why just for Lent? If you are going to give something up do it for a reason. Your reasons Heather seem good ones, maybe I should reconsider the giving up something myself. Alcohol is as good a place as any I guess, I shall consider my options for the next 36 hours.
At any rate I will be supporting you from the bleachers and raise a glass to your success. Doh failed again.
hi heather... i have a similar but different story.. thanks for writing this.. I have been off alcohol since new year this year (corny I know).. feeling great...
ReplyDeletesure u will enjoy the 40 days..
also check out "no more hangovers" by A.Carr.. worked for me..
Hey H,
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel - coming from scotland, it's practically impossible to completely change my stripes, but I'm going bit by bit - cigarettes and beer during Lent and possibly forever after. Exercise and meditiation to replace them. I'll still have some wine with dinner and maybe a wee dram as a nightcap, but the social drinking will have to stop for a while at least until I learn to drink slower.
Be strong and get in touch if you need some words of comfort.
S xx
I think it helps give people that extra push and often it's easier to give up something then as others understand giving up something for a reason. Like having a detox January or giving up something for Lent, no one bothers you about it or questions you. Sometimes it's the people around you that make it hard to give up something because you don't want to go against the tide.
ReplyDeleteThanks Scott - I think we'll have to go for a lime and soda or two together. But I agree about the social drinking and the drinking slower. I drink everything fast whether it's alcoholic or not. So I'm with you on that one...bring on the water!
ReplyDeleteCongrats anon. It's not corny at all and I'm glad you're feeling great. I'll check out that book. I bet it's going to be easier to get up in the morning to go for runs the next 40 days (& maybe beyond) without a fuzzy head in the morning. :)
ReplyDeleteHi Heather,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your blog and feel as though I could have written it as our experience of drink is very similar.
I too have decided to give up alcohol for lent and put my hand up to the fact that I'm going to find it extremely difficult. Not so much for the taste or necessarily the feeling it brings but for the social and psychological side that surround my drinking habits. Almost 100% of my social engagements involve alcohol - from a lunchtime drink with a colleague to opening a bottle of wine to accompany dinner with m,y partner at home.
I have chosen Lent to attempt to give it up for a) personal reasons - simply to see if I CAN go without it for a prolonged period b) health reasons - I fear that my daily drinking must be taking some toll on my body and c) social reasons - I completely agree that socially it is more accepted amongst your circle if it is for a reason. I am often the life and soul of the party and it is taken as a given that I will get drunk, therefore it would almost be frowned upon if I were to give up drink for no particular reason!
Good luck come Wednesday, I'm looking forward to following your progress x
Proud of you Heather, for admitting it and then for doing something about it. I think we as a society need to stop pushing our values on others. If someone doesn't want to drink no one else should feel uncomfortable or think anything of it. If we need "help" to have fun or enjoy ourself it is pretty sad. A wonderful time can be had being "Lifted up" by our friends themselves not with stimulants. Stand proud and be who you want to be!
ReplyDeleteGreat blog post darling. Kind of quite close to come. You're stronger than I! However, can you just drink once a week... preferably Thursdays? :) x
ReplyDeleteI never used to drink alcohol and you get the worst judgement from people - more than once I have had this conversation with a stranger in a bar.
ReplyDelete"What are you drinking?"
"Orange."
"Ah orange and vodka?"
"No, just orange." - then they'd walk off.
If it makes other people uncomfortable then that's their problem, not yours - they automatically assume you look down on them for drinking alcohol, automatically assume you think you're better than them for not drinking alcohol - but again, that's their insecurity, not yours.
Good luck! I think it's awesome :)
I am planning to do the same and giving up the booze for lent. Years ago I gave up for almost year but like you it crept back in. Also, I see it as giving myself a gift. My drinking has been getting me down for a while. My father did not seem pleased as we often go for a drink after watching football, it is part of the ritual. I think it has made him think about his own relationship with drink. Indeed, I have thought of giving up before only to think how it would affect my dad. But now I am going to do this for myself. I hope I succeed I am sure you will.
ReplyDeleteOh I'll never miss a Thursday club. Just don't ask me if there's gin in my tonic ;)
ReplyDeleteI completely understand where you're coming from and I think it's only the choices we make for ourselves about ourselves that will truly work. Good luck Adam & hopefully your dad gets that it's your time together and not the drink that's important. Do let us know how you got on!
ReplyDeleteOh definitely. And once I make my mind up I'm hard to sway so I'm looking forward to the next 40 days. Selfishly I'm also hoping laying off the drink will get me back into my old jeans again. Well less drink and LOTS of running! A girl can dream ;)
ReplyDeleteWhat can I say? You'll be healthier and happier by Easter, I'd say. And you have my absolute confidence and support, in whatever way that might be useful. I did Lents for six years in a row. Some years I'd cheat a very little bit, like two evenings, other years, nothing. The later years, more cheating. I also did "Januaries", and "Septembers", adding more and more abstinence periods in, as, overall, my unhappiness with the alcohol relationship deepened. Then, getting on for two years ago, on 30 June (chosen as a symbolic marker point for the half-way of the year - I'd missed Dec 31st!) I stopped. And for just one day, on all the days since then, I've stayed stopped. LOTS changes. And it's mostly good. Not all good. But it's good enough.
ReplyDeleteMuch love, P
Wow, I am so impressed by your honesty and will. Go Heather! I think you're going to find it physically easy because you seem like a strong minded person.
ReplyDeleteI too have given up alcohol for Lent 2011; nearly a week in now. I too have given up because I enjoy my tipples too much and too often - widely recognised by friends and family (some of whom also have their issues with alcohol; others of whom are very self-righteous regarding those who do).
Like you, I'm stepping up sport to spur on the feel-good factor (swimming in my case). I'm sure if you / we stick to that plan, we'll see & feel positive feedback even more quickly, which will spur us on.
Keep on running - and blogging! If I can do it, you can too; if you can do it, I can too.
Best wishes, K
Paul - you and me will drink coffee together in the corner. And best of all, we'll remember our conversations in the morning. Hope to see you very very soon.
ReplyDeleteThanks Katherine. I am pretty strong minded and I'm also a week in though as I've been holed up by myself this past week, we'll see how it is when I'm back in London. I think it's more about keeping up the running really as that falls to the wayside quite easily and I want to keep that up. A hike and 2 runs in spain this week and another run tomorrow. Just need the resolve to continue to find the time when I start work again.
ReplyDelete