A Shakespearean Twist

John: And so I am for Peter.
Peter: And so I am for Tony.
Tony: And so I am for Michael.
Mike: And so I am for no woman...

Four gay men in a new version of As You Like it - I saw it in my friend’s apartment last night. Each one confided to me in the smallest of whispers in that tiny bachelor suite. It was an intricate dance tapped out on webs of crystal sugared lines. I watched as each man threw himself at his intended who was too busy to notice - he was looking the other way and throwing himself at another man who was too busy to notice - he was looking the other way and throwing himself at...you get what I mean.

Since this very same scenario was happening over 500 years ago (it was in the aforementioned play if you recall), I could say this is part of human nature. So what is love? Is it that sometimes you end up turning and off...guard, find some person in your arms? Then what do you do? Most often? Most often you drop them. It seems to be a personal policy that if you originally didn’t throw yourself at that person, you don’t want it. It’s inconceivable. A simple adage could be-

I like Fred.
John likes me.
Betwixt the three,
we will never agree.

Or in simple everyday English- The person I want never wants me. And the person who falls for me, I never like. How do marriages come about? Go look at Shakespeare - the writer who has captured universal humanity. The immortal bard. Either the couple die (tragedies) or they get married through compromise, trickery or convenience (comedies).

Yep. Nothing ever changes.

So how many times is it purely love? I.e. ‘I can’t live without you.’ Or ‘I would rather cut my heart out than live without seeing your face.’ How often does that happen? And do both parties have that same feeling? Take Romeo and Juliet for example. I’m sure if they actually stick it out past their fourteenth birthdays, got married and started to raise a family that it wouldn’t have worked out. There they are trapped in Exile. Juliet has 10 snot...faced kids and has gained 150 pounds. Her days are filled with fantasies about what it would have been like if she had married the wealthy, Verona...residing Paris instead. Meanwhile, Romeo works a shit labour job during the day, has a beer gut and drinks too much. When he’s not watching TV or complaining, he’s checking out the emancipated foreign chick that lives next door.

OK. I sound pretty damn cynical but I’m not really. When it all boils down to it, I still believe in true love. The kind that comes out of honesty, courage and respect. What I do think, is that too many people spend huge parts of their lives in relationships for the wrong reasons. It happened to my parents. It’s happened to my friend’s parents. God, it happens to my friends. No wonder wives cheat and husbands wake up one day wanting out.

The thing is most people don’t know who they really are. You gotta love yourself, know yourself first and then share that. Love is not hot sticky wetness at the back of the bar. It’s definitely a great bonus but not the first thing to consider. I look at the relationships I’ve been in (or wanted to be in) and realize that most of them aren’t based on knowing the person. They’re based on the idea of love or the attraction or the...whatever. How do they end? I wake up one day and realize that person is not what I want.

So hide your daughters people. Lock up your sons. Teach them to love themselves and only when they’re ready, let them out.

No that’s not it. There has to be something better than that.

Oh yes - be who you are and the rest will follow.