Finishing school, I'm left trying to hold onto everything I believe in. Love - love is found in the darkness, from the sweat of bodies in between sleep and wake. My job would be without sacrifice - no extra long hours unless I wanted to and I would love every minute of it. I'd get married eventually but before I was forty so I didn't have to worry about having Down Syndrome babies and in the end I'll have lived a full life and I will die.
Now. Now that I'm here (wherever that is), I don't know where I stand. Finishing school with the dreaded Arts diploma and the thought "an actor, no...musician? actor? lawyer? God, I gotta choose something" What will it be? Which is the right one? Have I wasted my whole life for this?
The choices that I make in this vacuum I call the 'After School Void,' or ASV for short, may be important ones in my life. Right now they feel like the most important. I'm getting old - don't laugh. I may be 24, but it feels like a millennium has past since I left high school, that place where I knew what I wanted.
Now I feel further away from a focus then I've ever had up to this point. It's like I woke up one morning and didn't know if the path I was on was one that I wanted to be on. Have I just convinced myself to be here because I thought it was good for me? Or that I'd show Mrs. Funk my forth grade teacher that I was worth something? Or did I merely convince myself that this was my only happiness?
Taking a step back, I stand on a ledge scrambling to stay balanced, not wanting to fall. What is out there beyond my limitations? What is the point of even asking these questions?
Well elementary my dear Watson - if I'm going to stick to something, it might as well be cliche. I would say that 80% of the people I know who are finishing their higher education have suddenly started to question their choices. The other 20% just don't realize it yet. So why shouldn't I have questions? It's only natural. Yet in the same breath I feel like it's wrong. Years of societal brainwashing at it's best. Let's take a look at an example, shall we?
There's this guy. Let's call him Billy. Like Billy the Kid. So Billy the Kid has been fighting tooth and nail to stay at the top of his class. He will be the next social-economic giant. Keep on polishin' that glass ceiling cause this kid is burstin' right through. Six months left till the end, at that point where you can taste success coming, and the kid doesn't want to be called William. What? But that's your name. That's what you become. Billy becomes William, you get a diploma, and you get a real job. There will be responsibility, there will be only 2 weeks of vacation per year, there will be mistakes, there will be triumphs, there will be sadness, there will be an end...if Billy lets it. Of course he could make another choice. And live out a different deck of cards.
It all boils down to security and freedom. How important are they? What do they ultimately mean to you? Justice and happiness are nice thoughts but, well, look at the world right now with its terrorist threats and anthrax fears. Everything is about security and freedom. Who's taking it, how we get more, why aren't we doing more about it. Fair enough. It just goes to show you where our priorities lie.
Now seriously, if you are reading this and thinking, 'What is that bitch talkin' about, she don't know me!' Great...if you can honestly look into your soul and look at every choice that you've made and still say that - that you have never based anything on your own needs for security or freedom - then I'm happy for you.
I can't honestly say that about myself. Security and freedom influence me. I wish I could be the idolized Mother Theresa - well at least what people say she is. Gives up everything she has to help others (yes folks, that would mean security and freedom are bye-bye for most of you) and with that she has happiness and justice - or at least gives it.
Sacrifice is only sacrifice when you want what you’re letting go of. And though our dreams focus on what'll give us our own sense of freedom coupled with the security we crave, that does not nessesarily equal happiness. At least not for everyone, I hope.
So what is happiness? I don't have a clue. All I know is that if I keep searching for the right thing and the happy moment and where I need to be, then I will never find it. I will end up doing the same thing everyday until the day I die. So instead, I will try something new everyday. Even if that means not trying the same beer twice then hooray!
I will start to know the things that I might not like and the things that I never knew I liked. And I will try things again and maybe I'll like things that I didn't before and hate the ones I love. I will live my life as water and change as the earth does and not worry about getting it right or having my life planned for me. As for the Kid? Maybe he can just be Billy and see what happens. That's what I'm going to do.
Monday, 12 November 2001
Tuesday, 22 May 2001
Music: NMW Festival review 2001
Music Festival
New Music West
Backstage Lounge
Two weekends ago, the annual music extravaganza New Music West was held throughout a four day span. NMW broke their own attendance record this year. It was no surprise. On the first day, the Arts Club Theatre hosted four rock bands who tried to bring the house down.
Opening the evening was Jeffery Sez - the only band with enough sense of humour to use "nothing refreshes breath longer than Jeff Sez" in their band bio. I've seen these boys before and they always aim to please. The set was a tightly orchestrated unit - well planned with no dead air - a feat at which many bands fail. They were noticeably relaxed and the lead guitarist, Joel Bryant, had definitely found his groove with the group.
The last time I saw Jeffery Sez, it was his third show with them and he was a bit stiff - trying to get things a little too right. This time the music flowed from his fingers - he even painted outside the lines. The only shame about Jeffery Sez is that they had to open the evening and no one was on the floor. It would have benefited us all if they had been slated later on in the evening.
The second act was Vancouver's own rockers Mossy Ledge. There's only one thing I can say - there is a band out there with better stage presence and light show. They're called U2. Not that admiring a band and their sound is bad, but they should use the god-given talent they do have and make their own distinct sound. As much as they might love Bono, James "lead singer" Milligan, dressing like him (sunglasses, long hand-covering sleeves and all), and sounding like him does not warrant success. But then again, Mossy Ledge did fall victim to multiple rock critics when they self-proclaimed themselves "feel good pop/rock with lush arrangements and gentle guitar and bass runs." Next time I'll keep in mind what that might entail.
Undermars, the third act of the night, did a great job in getting the audience moving. The vocals were strong - clear with no breaks - and they played with a well-blended sound. Their stage presence is something that will come with time. They have been together for less than three years and should keep at it, as opportunities will arise. Or so says some music guru somewhere.
I must apologise to the drummer, Brad. I was talking to him at the end of the night and asked if he was playing during the festival. He said that he had played that night. Please don't be offended, Brad. No one ever knows who the drummer is.
Finally, the headlining act Whole Damn County arrived to to the delight of the audience. These guys had energy and then some. They brought a near-empty house to its feet. Hailing from Whistler, B.C., Whole Damn County enjoys most evenings as a cover band to all them drunken skier types. This evening, though, they played their own music which was definitely diverse and different. Frankly, their performance blew me away. My favourite song of the evening was a ditty about a boy growing up over the years and the songs that went with it - a spoken story punctuated with porno sex sounds on the guitar and dead-perfect imitations of favorites such as AC/DC and Bon Jovi.
Whole Damn County was a brilliant band who played in a purely brilliant music festival -New Music West.
New Music West
Backstage Lounge
Two weekends ago, the annual music extravaganza New Music West was held throughout a four day span. NMW broke their own attendance record this year. It was no surprise. On the first day, the Arts Club Theatre hosted four rock bands who tried to bring the house down.
Opening the evening was Jeffery Sez - the only band with enough sense of humour to use "nothing refreshes breath longer than Jeff Sez" in their band bio. I've seen these boys before and they always aim to please. The set was a tightly orchestrated unit - well planned with no dead air - a feat at which many bands fail. They were noticeably relaxed and the lead guitarist, Joel Bryant, had definitely found his groove with the group.
The last time I saw Jeffery Sez, it was his third show with them and he was a bit stiff - trying to get things a little too right. This time the music flowed from his fingers - he even painted outside the lines. The only shame about Jeffery Sez is that they had to open the evening and no one was on the floor. It would have benefited us all if they had been slated later on in the evening.
The second act was Vancouver's own rockers Mossy Ledge. There's only one thing I can say - there is a band out there with better stage presence and light show. They're called U2. Not that admiring a band and their sound is bad, but they should use the god-given talent they do have and make their own distinct sound. As much as they might love Bono, James "lead singer" Milligan, dressing like him (sunglasses, long hand-covering sleeves and all), and sounding like him does not warrant success. But then again, Mossy Ledge did fall victim to multiple rock critics when they self-proclaimed themselves "feel good pop/rock with lush arrangements and gentle guitar and bass runs." Next time I'll keep in mind what that might entail.
Undermars, the third act of the night, did a great job in getting the audience moving. The vocals were strong - clear with no breaks - and they played with a well-blended sound. Their stage presence is something that will come with time. They have been together for less than three years and should keep at it, as opportunities will arise. Or so says some music guru somewhere.
I must apologise to the drummer, Brad. I was talking to him at the end of the night and asked if he was playing during the festival. He said that he had played that night. Please don't be offended, Brad. No one ever knows who the drummer is.
Finally, the headlining act Whole Damn County arrived to to the delight of the audience. These guys had energy and then some. They brought a near-empty house to its feet. Hailing from Whistler, B.C., Whole Damn County enjoys most evenings as a cover band to all them drunken skier types. This evening, though, they played their own music which was definitely diverse and different. Frankly, their performance blew me away. My favourite song of the evening was a ditty about a boy growing up over the years and the songs that went with it - a spoken story punctuated with porno sex sounds on the guitar and dead-perfect imitations of favorites such as AC/DC and Bon Jovi.
Whole Damn County was a brilliant band who played in a purely brilliant music festival -New Music West.
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